Robert Voyle, who provided the conceptual framework of the process our transition committee is using in their calling a new rector for this parish, has offered helpful definitions of the difference between resentment, forgiveness, and reconciliation. He suggests that resentment involves demanding over and over again in the present that a horrendous event in the past never happened. Voyle offers two quotes. Nelson Mandela who said “hanging onto resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” We could expand on that by noting that just as the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result, resentment is like drinking that poison not only once, but drinking it every morning and expecting it will kill your enemies of the past every afternoon. The second quote is from Ann Landers who remarked “hanging on to resentment is like letting someone you despise live rent free in your head.” I suspect we all know people who not only let people they despise live rent free but also cater to them plenty of food for them to grow big and strong in addition.
Forgiveness is letting go of the demand that the past be changed. We may profoundly wish something in the past did not happen, but forgiveness is the choice to fully live in the present. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past. Forgiveness doesn’t say that it doesn’t matter what happened. Indeed forgiveness claims it does matter, and when we let go of insisting the past be different and live in the present we maintain our integrity and carry our values forward. Again, Voyle offers us two quotes: the first from Edith Stauffer. “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, when you are ready to stop hurting for what someone else did” and the second from Lewis Smedes, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Forgiveness is not about any change in the event or the behavior of a person in the past. It is not about whether or not the louse living in our head deserves it; rather it is our choice to cut loose from the past, and to kick out the louse who is living in our head rent-free.
Reconciliation is different and separate from forgiveness, although if reconciliation is to occur, forgiveness must happen first. Oftentimes, even if it is desirable goal, reconciliation may not be possible. Reconciliation unlike forgiveness requires a mutual agreement or understanding with both parties about each other’s integrity. A Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela, could forgive, but certainly not ever be reconciled with those who continue to perpetuate injustice or terror.1
In one of ancient Israel’s most precarious hours, when most of the people had been scattered and a remnant of a once proud independent nation was held in exile, a prophet announced a new future with the words,
“A shoot shall come out from the stock of Jesse,
and a branch shall grow out of his roots.
The spirit of the Lord shall rest on him,
the spirit of wisdom and understanding,
the spirit of counsel and might,
the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.
His delight shall be in the fear of the Lord.
He shall not judge by what his eyes see,
or decide by what his ears hear;
but with righteousness he shall judge the poor,
and decide with equity for the meek of the earth;
The wolf shall live with the lamb,
the leopard shall lie down with the kid,
the calf and the lion and the fatling together,
and a little child shall lead them.2
“A little child will lead them.” The prophet’s words called forth an image of brave parents who had confidence in the present to conceive and bear a child, a child who would lead Israel out of the unrelenting terror of its immediate past, who would bring to this earth new birth and give the present generation a future in which to hope in. This passage from Isaiah, centuries later, would be used to announce the birth of another child, Jesus of Nazareth.
This past week I looked up what I said on Sunday ten years ago. I had remarked that the image that touched me the most in the days following the day we call 9/11 was the sight of orphaned children of Oklahoma City, gathering and brushing off the stuffed animals that had been given them following the bombing of the Federal building there. The children were tying new ribbons and handwritten notes around the animals' necks, packing them in fresh boxes, and sending the menagerie of teddy bears, hippopotami, and monkeys to the orphaned children of New York. What a witness of commitment to new life and the hope for the future that was!
In the ten years that have followed, the movies that seem to have been the most enduring and popular for young and old, have been the series of Harry Potter movies. I do not think that is mere accident. I have not seen them all, and I’ve gotten rather befuddled and confused over what was really going on in two or three I have seen, but at the heart of them, stripping away all the dazzling cinematography, they are about children coming of age, learning to thrive in the present and bravely create their future in the dangerous and warped world they were born in. They are about children and their parents affirming life over death, about moving past and not being trapped in a dungeon of self-pity, revenge, and vindictiveness.
I did not choose the lessons today. They are the ones assigned for this Sunday. They are about forgiveness, about choosing life, about faith and commitment to the future and I think that’s what this day should be all about.
